Ten Ponderings of Christmas in China

         

          Christmas and New Years are over, and the world mourns and diets. I have officially experienced my first holiday season in China, and my first Christmas ever without my family. During the jubilation that is Christmas, I had a few thoughts, and revelations, and I decided to share them with you all.

1. The so called "war on Chistmas," yeah that's not a thing!

 Remarkably, spending Christmas in a country where the holiday isn't nationally recognized, did absolutely nothing to hinder me from personally celebrating Christmas! I know right! In fact, it might even have heightened my awareness of why I celebrate in the first place. An unregenerate person, wishing me a merry Christmas, and handing me a red cup with Santa on it: that's commercialism, not Christmas. And China has plenty of Christmas commercialism to enjoy anyway.

2. Jingle Bells and We Wish You Merry Christmas are the only Christmas songs that China knows, and they play them on repeat...all.day.long.

3. Most of the highs and lows at Christmas are dependent on comparison. It seems to me that our experience of Christmas is dependent on what we think it should be, after comparing our experience to what we see on T.V. or the people around us. As I mentioned, this was my first ever Christmas apart from my family. Surprisingly, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. After thinking about it for awhile, I concluded that the fact I'm China, where they don't celebrate Christmas is the key factor. The day still seemed special, because while the country went to work, and carried on as usual, I got to go have a nice dinner with my friends. If I had been in the States, watching others celebrate with their families, it would have been a different story. Indeed the only time when I had the Christmas blues, was when I logged into Facebook.

4. Traditions are important, even when you're thousands of miles away. Whether it's making sugar cookies or watching The Muppets Christmas Carol, traditions keep us aware of where we come from, and who we're going to be.

5. A Christmas tree makes all the difference. I haven't quite made my apartment my own yet, but adding a Christmas tree, suddenly made my living room a place I wanted to be. 

6. People freaking love Christmas music. My playlists on Spotify, have never had very many followers, but my Christmas playlist kind of soared in popularity this year. Huzzah!

7. Minion Monopoly is much more fun than dummy regular Monopoly. My sister Abby kind of loves minions, and so the majority of her presents this year were minion related. One such gift was Minion Monopoly. This is a thing that exists. Falling asleep, while listening to my family play this game over Skype, was my best Christmas memory this year.

8. I love being a kindergarten teacher at Christmas. It means you get to dress up in a red coat and hat and give sweets and toys to cutie Chinese children. Bring on the happiness!

9. Chinese New Year! My holiday season extends well into February. I guess the decorations get to stay up that long too!

10. The Incarnation is where it's at. Extra points to those who know who coined that phrase. I spent most of December contemplating, just how bizarre, miraculous and pinnacle the truth of the incarnation is. What difference does the divinity of Christ make to the life of the believer? The answer: it makes all the difference. 

No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, He has made Him known

John 1:18

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Bring on 2016; it's going to be epic!

This morning I woke up...

     This morning I woke up...it's a cold, blustery, damp sort of day: the kind of day that makes you want to stay snuggled under the covers and not come out. However, the unrelenting alarm, and the sounds of a persistant mosquito buzzing around my ears, coax me from my bed and into the cold morning air. It feels good, the contrast between winter chill, and comfortable coziness. Winter has been very delayed in her coming, and though it might change again tomorrow, it's nice to get a taste of the season.

It's been a loooong time since I've posted here. And so much has happened in between. The longer
 I've waited, the more complicated the story became. So I've thought long and hard how to introduce this new stage in my life on this forum. So here it goes.

For starters, I'm a college graduate now. Thats's right, my days as a student are over and I now know everything (I've the paper to prove it). As often happens with in debt college graduates, plans were formed, and job hunts ensued. As I've graduated with a TESL certificate, teaching seemed a good place to start, so I searched for a teaching job. One that afforded some ministry opportunities. I had hoped to find something a little closer to home this time. The novelty of being a hopeless wanderer had long since worn off, and I hoped God was on the same page as I was. "We're done right?" I asked told Him, "No more new places for awhile." Well God has a habit of promptly ignoring me, when I ask tell Him how to run things, and this time was no different.

As it turned out, while finding a job in Ireland, was not necessarily impossible,  I somehow ended up emailing someone a little farther away. I'm going to make a long story very short, and say that I got a job teaching at a lovely little kindgergarten. It took some humbling, some prayer, and a very insightful and candid conversation with my sister, to realize that I actualy wanted to go. Maybe in the future there will be a time when roots can be established, when life can be a little less crazy, but that's never been what God wanted for me, and I find that I'm not ready for the craziness to stop. And I keep rolling down that hill, because who needs moss?! I take other things with me: people, experiences, loss, hurt, fear, love, and joy, all rolled together.

I've been here three months. I've setted (as settled as I can be) into life here. I'm enjoying my work at the kindgergarten, much more than I ever thought I would. Life is a constant adventure. Culture shock takes on a whole new meaning, as frustrations, discoveries, and hilarious misunderstandings unfold daily. All the while God is slowly taking me apart bit by bit: dealing with my pride and wrenching idols from my tightly clasped hands. I go to bed exhausted, and somehow wake up ready to do it all over again in a totally different way.

So God is not done with me, and I'm ok with that. The last time I wrote in this blog, I was in Ireland, but this morning I woke up in China.

Goodbye Autumn, I'll Miss You

     Snow! This is what greeted me at 7am on my way to work today! Yesterday had been another blissful, autumn day, that I had taken lazily, for granted. Autumn, like it's predecessor season, is cruelly short-lived in Wisconsinland. Too readily, Wisconsin defaults to the extremism of the long, bitter, northern winter: a rather sadistic state wouldn't you say?! I love the breathtaking bursts of colour-as creation takes on her most lavish garb-the slight chill in the air, wooly socks, and cozy cardigans, all washed down with a generous mug of pumpkin spiced latte: and all this is gone in a matter of weeks. Wisconsinland is not kind to my favourite season.

     Today was a blustery, icebox, interrupted periodically by shy, snow flurries. This is only the beginning my friend, WINTER IS COMING! And she is not kind. Still, even in the death of the world around me, there is an eerie beauty in the bare tree branches, and the silver grey sky. Best of all, the close of Autumn and the commencement of Winter brings me one day closer to being back on Irish soil once more. More on that later. In the meantime, let's send Autumn out with the dignity she deserves.          

"Hello, hello, hello, hello,

Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye,goodbye,

That's all there is.

And the leaves that are green turn to brown." 

My Sister Is a College Graduate!

   

     Friday was my baby sister's college graduation! My sister Abby graduated the University of Limerick with a degree in Voice & Dance. Did I mention my sister is a dancer? A pretty dang good one too. I of course couldn't attend, what with my being in Wisconsinland, but a big sister couldn't be more proud. I thought I'd post pictures of my hautie family on the big day. Forgive me if I crow too loud but hey, these are my favourite humans in the whole world!

Yay!

Yeah these hauties are related to me :)

The fellow spawn

Abby's graduation dress was absolutely stunning! She's always been a babe! I'm so proud of her smarts, talent, and beauty (inside and out). Congratulations sis! Wish I could have been there to celebrate with you. Just so you know, I drove my co-workers crazy singing your praises all day Friday!

I'm Just Thankful for a Dollar Store

      I don't want to come across as depressing, but I have to be honest with you, I've had a pretty wretched week. And I don't want to sound ungrateful, but this summer has been a strange let down. God has been very good, I know. He's given me a great job with Shepherds Ministries: a job where I'm helping others, and a job which comes with accommodation attached (for a displaced, foreign student that's a pretty sweet deal), and because of this I have at least some of my independence without being a burden to some family somewhere. There's a lot to be thankful for- really there is- and I am...but sometimes it's hard be. It sounds terrible, but it is. With my 25th birthday approaching fast, it's hard not to ask "is this all there is?" and  "ok when is my real life going to start?".

     Last week, I learned some rather distressing news, which could potentially keep me stationary much longer than I wanted or anticipated. Suffice to say, it kind of sent me into a downward spiral of confusion, and depression. While I know, I KNOW God's truth: that He will not forsake me, He hasn't left me, He has a plan; I couldn't grasp onto that truth for the life of me, and really believe it. I started to feel an overpowering idea: God doesn't love me anymore. God has left me alone.

     It is terrible to believe, even for a moment, such a odious lie. It is terrible to see it on the screen in front of me now. What a terrifying, alienating thought. How devastating to the soul it would be if true. With all the Bible education I've had, you would think I could snap out of the lie, but I couldn't. For a day I couldn't grasp onto truth. This summer, my job has tested my patience like never before, all too often I end up spending my free time alone, and church hasn't been an option. All summer, loneliness, and sin I can't seem to conquer have, for the most part been my constant companions. Last week, while discouraging, was merely an accumulation of many things. And it led me to believe that my heavenly Father had given up on me entirely.

      Slowly this week, truth has been coming back to me, not all at once, but bit by bit. What a reminder that I am not all brain, but also soul, and emotion. This part can take over reason, and I am no exception (I'm not exactly a- wear my heart on my sleeve-kind of girl). 

     This brings me to today. Over the course of the summer, construction of some sort has been ongoing across from my workplace/dwelling. It turns out to be a new dollar store. A bit of embarrassing Leah-trivia for you: I don't drive. That is to say I can't drive. It's the price I pay for being a professional wanderer. I usually catch a ride to the nearest Walmart, or I walk to the local grocery shop. This is a bit of a walk, but the weather is usually suitable. In the back of my mind though I've been wondering how I'm going to make the walk when the snow starts to fall. I figured my Walmart runs would have to do, and I would have to do without some things immediately.

       Today I checked out the stock of the new store which is a convenient, few feet away from my front door. It's not exactly a grocery store, but I can pick up a lot of essentials, without having to wait for someone else's schedule to clear. It may sound silly to you but I stood in that store today, and thankfulness just washed over me like a flood. It seemed like God built this store just for me. God hasn't abandoned me! He built me a store! For nothing more than mere convenience: not need. After all these tuition fees and loans, it wasn't my education that led me to truth today. God reminded me of basic truths with a convenience. It's silly, and small, but all I know is that today, I'm just thankful for a dollar store. 

"We give thanks to you, Oh God; and we give thanks for your name is near. We recount your wondrous deeds" Psalm 75:1

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. Give ear, Oh Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of trouble I call upon you, for you answer me" Psalm 86:5-7 

Better Together: Weddings and Adventuring!

     Sorry for the short absence. I have been adventuring...and summer classing (huzzah I made a new verb!). Two weeks ago I attended the wedding of two old school friends from Cornerstone and between work, and trying to stay above water in regards to my summer class, and maintaining what resembles a social life, blogging was once again at the bottom of my list. But I'm back to tell you of my wonderful adventure in South Dakota.

     For those of you who don't know, I spent two years in a Bible Institute in Hot Springs, South Dakota when I was 19 and 20. These two years were some of the best and worst of my life, but what made them was the people. Cornerstone contained an average of 40 some students when I was there and what developed was an odd, familial-like sub-culture. For the most part, weddings have been a huge part of this sub-culture post graduation, and I have missed almost every single wedding/reunion. So, when the opportunity came to attend Mat and Liz's wedding two weeks ago, I was so there. Matt and Liz were in the same class (a year above me) and while they were always good friends, their relationship deepened into something more after they graduated. And when there's a wedding, there will be "Stoners"!

     I flew from Chicago on a Tuesday, but didn't arrive in Rapid City, SD until Wednesday morning, due to the fact that we didn't leave on time (for no actual reason) from Chicago, and thus missed my connection in Denver. I've dealt with delays plenty of times before and even ones that required an overnight stay, but never alone! However, a comfortable night in a hotel, courtesy of United airlines, with free breakfast and shuttle went all without a glitch (despite being approached by creepy, individual with a white van whom I cunningly evaded). Adult points to me!!!

     I was picked up by Liz and other Cornerstoner Melinda and despite "car trouble" we drove onto Hot Springs in perfect we-are-girls-who-have-no-idea-how-to-car style. After calling Matt for help "we" fixed the problem (which turned out to be a case of rogue pipe stabbing the muffler), and drove off to have fun! Over the next few days we moved our Bride out of her apartment and literally next door to her new one, made DIY decorations for the wedding, had a blast of a bachelorette party, rehearsal dinnered, and REUNIONED (I am full of self made verbs today!!).

     It was great to see people I have't seen in 3-5 years, and even more great to see how our lives have progressed. When you're just you living your life, it's hard to see how you've changed or developed; but when you see yourself in perspective to people you knew and loved a long time ago and see that they've changed, you come to realize you have too. I loved hearing their stories, holding their children (so many children!), learning what they're doing, and where they're working. We've changed so much, and it's great! Sometimes my nostalgia takes over and I have a hard time moving forward with things. It was wonderful to celebrate change for a change (see what I did there?!).

     The wedding itself, was beautiful. I loved being involved in the business of the morning: decorating, assisting photographers, and serving food. Liz made a gorgeous bride and seeing both bride and groom commit to each other before, and in the name of their Saviour was so special. The representation of the gospel, as pictured by the imagery of marriage, was so clear in both their lives. I may or may not have cried!

     I finished off the week fellowshipping with my old church family at Calvary Baptist Church. I cannot even begin to describe how much I missed these people, and Pastor Matt's preaching (and fondness for circle time). Thank you Lord for giving me this opportunity to reconnect, even for a few, special days, with old friends and family.

Congratulations to Liz and Matt!!!

PS: If you want to check out Liz's blog click here

PPS: Clara Williams who is also a Cornerstoner, and who is married to a Cornerstoner, and who is my very dear, dear friend took the photos at the wedding. She is supper, super talented and you should check out her work on this wedding others here. I used two of her photos in this post.

Carry Me Home

         Well I'm here in the early hours of the morning in Greenbay airport! My finals are done-thank goodness for that because I don't know how much longer I could look to this for motivation:

Ok Ryan, I will!!

My bags are packed,

and I am ready to begin my trip to Ireland! 

Wishing all of you happy Christmas travels. The next time you hear from me, this happy girl will be home! 

      

What is We Are Okay

If you have been following this blog for awhile, you probably know what to expect from my writing, or maybe you don't. Of late I've been struck with a bad case of writers block. Maybe it comes from my reading other popular blogs, and wanting to conform to topics of interest which attract more readers. I think it also comes from a shift in my goals for writing.

When I first started We Are Okay, a lot of my friends from CBI were starting blogs of their own, and I kind of wanted to join in on the fun of keeping tabs on each other online. My first year of blogging consisted of stumbling onto the more extensive blogging community, and I found the joy of gaining followers that I didn't know personally offline. Following other blogs started to both improve and inspire my own writing.

However, these past two years I've started to notice a lack of inspiration. The renewed business of schoolwork and a shift in interests and life goals have kind of put a cease to any consistent writing on We Are Okay. Maybe you as a reader have sensed this.

I've tried to put elements into place to help bring back consistency to my blog. Some of you might remember my post after New Years here. In that post I tried to set some goals that would help me as a full time student to write more often without taking too much time to do it. While I've loved posting my Music Mondays, and I still have lots of plans for more "ridiculous posts" I found that instead of inspiring me, these posts put more restrictions on what I really want to write, and led me farther from my actual goals for this blog. I don't want to just mingle with the rest of hipster-dom in the blogging community. Like any blogger I want We Are Okay to represent who I am, my interests, my life, my thoughts, but more importantly I want this blog to showcase the most important thing about me; my relationship with Christ. Actually let me re-phrase that; I want this blog to showcase Christ (lets just leave me out of it!). I think part of the reason I've found my writing to be a bit stale of late is because it reflects what my devotional life has been. Some might find being at a Bible College a blessing and an encouragement, but for me it's been the opposite. Northland is an awesome place, but lately the debates about music, dress, the future of Northland, in short fundamentalist culture has been wearing out my soul. But that's a discussion for another day.

Why am I posting this at all? Some of you might have guessed where the title of my blog comes from. For those of you who don't, I'm not about to give the game away, but lets just say the title carries along the idea of wanting to recapture the aimlessness and simplicity of childhood along with the inescapable knowledge that those days are past, and the realities of adulthood and life are present. I like to write with my own blend of fun and cynicism, but I also want to be transparent and honest, and right now this is where I'm at in my writing and in my spiritual life. I'm writing this to try and stop this pattern and refocus my goals a little. I still want to write reviews of music, movies and art (my blog is a brilliant opportunity to pretend I'm an actual professional critic and writer), I still want to be ridiculous and funny, and I still want to post my over-editied brand of recreational photography. But ultimately I want people to see Jesus through my writing. I first and foremost write from a Christian, Biblical worldview and I want that to seep into all areas and topics.

I also want the freedom to write what I want and when I write it. This gives me a sense of freedom and helps me not feel guilty for posting less often than I or my readers (wishful thinking?) might like. I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone reading but I do feel like I need this explanation to myself and my readers. I might never be one of those larger than life blogs with hundreds of readers, that posts three times a week, but instead I'm a real person, that lives a real life on and offline, and you know what? That's okay with me!  

PS: I was going to post about my trip last summer, you may recall, but I thought better of it. If you want to to know about it just message me here and I'll email you more information.

Blink

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to grey

I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of this

It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life?


When it's all said and done
No one remembers
How far we have run
The only thing that matters
Is how we have loved

Back in the summer of 2010, the lyrics to Blink by Christian band Revive were nothing but a pretty cool tune that we played loud and proud in the aptly named "mafia van" during my last choir tour with Cornerstone Bible Institute (also the trip that marked the end of my time at CBI). It was the last summer that we were all together in one place, before several unexpected couples formed and got married, before we scattered and went on various adventures of our own, and before last Sunday, June 30th. Today these lyrics ring far more true than they did then.

 Last Sunday I learned via facebook that my former classmate and friend Dustin Deford (24) was one of the nineteen firefighters killed in Arizona  

While I might not have known Dustin as well as others at Cornerstone, he was an everyday part of a very special time in my life. Spending two years at a close knit Bible college of 40 something students binds you together in a strange and peculiar way. Up to that point in my life I doubt any other group of people knew me better aside from my nuclear family. For two years we matured together, we saw the best and the worst from each other (I still blush when I think of some of the things I said and did!). I've come to realize recently that time may heal all wounds (this is open to debate), but you never, ever get over the friends you make. I may not miss Cornerstone, but I miss my classmates, I miss the experience of living together, growing together, being our own strange family. And we are family still; brothers and sisters in Christ.

So when I heard of Dustin's death, I couldn't believe it. When I left Cornerstone, I thought about the race in front of me, of my life and if and how it would be used for God's glory. It never occurred to me that it might be a relatively short one. I guess at our age we're not apt to think about death, even as Christians. As one former student Joel Georgeff wrote late week:

"God doesn't NEED my strengths and my abilities to bring Him glory, ALL He needs is my body and He doesn't even need it to be alive!"

Death is a certainty in this life. Unless Christ returns before, all of us will die someday, and the sobering thing is, it can be at any time and at any age. For me however, this is not a hopeless thing. As I read this week over and over and over again, Dustin left behind an amazing, staggering testimony of a life lived in love and submission to Christ. The gospel is stamped all over his life of 24 years. What the world would see as a tragic waste of a young life, I and so many others see a life lived to the fullest purpose; to the glory of God. 

"...but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honoured in my body, whether by life or death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (1 Philippians 1:20b-21)

At the beginning of this week my roommate told me that a girl she knew had died in car crash, and she was deeply saddened at the lack of hope at the end of a godless life. I realized then that while I was saddened by Dustin's death, I was also joyful and comforted. There was no despair in his passing, but rejoicing, hope instead of hopelessness. I'm jealous of my brother who has finished his race, and is now in the PRESENCE of Christ!! I take pride and joy to have known him even for a brief time, and I praise God at his testimony as post after post  speaks not of his heroic actions but of his love for Christ, and his simple faith. 

It makes me sad that at any Cornerstone reunion I may partake in the future, Dustin won't be there, but he will be present at the biggest and best reunion of all believers. I look forward to that reunion far more. 

"Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared: but we know that when he appears we shall be life him, because we shall see him as he is" (1 John 3:2)

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away' "  (Revelation 21:3-4)  

Tomorrow Dustin will be buried in his native Ekalaka, Montana. Pray for his family, pray for the people present who will undoubtedly hear the gospel. I will be stuck in Wisconsinland, but the Deford family will be in my thoughts and prayers all day.    

Stranger Side

       

A funny little heart in a funny little box, never take it out cos it might get dropped...

....bottle up and hide, tell a little lie if you must.

See the crooked man trying to walk a crooked mile, see the crooked lady with her crooked little smile...

...they see us as we pass and they don't know what to make of us...

...cos you and I, we see a stranger side of things...

...you and I

...we dream a stranger kind dream

...we walk a weirder side of the street.

          Happy Valentines Day! Yep that dreaded/loved/tolerated day of love/misery/pink has come and gone again, and I'm kind of sad to see it go! I was going to post today as a Bit Of Ridiculous #2 but I feel like I've said all I need to say about valentines in other posts so I decided just to be semi-happy about valentines, because it is just another day, and I like most days!

         This valentines, I got many sweet gifts from sweet friends, went to the Northland vrs Maranatha game (which we won!), was blessed by a wonderful, happy, splendidly, ridiculously fun, surprise visit from my bestie Heather Jerome, and can't get Gabrielle Aplin song lyrics out of my head!

        How was your valentines? Ridiculous or ridiculous? 

Music Mondays: Stubborn Love and Other Stories

           Phew! This semester is beginning to get busy. Two weeks of blissful leisure, thinking it would last forever and then in one week life is like "Bahahaha! Psyche your mind!" It's ok though because I'm still full of new year energy ready to save the world and get my assignments in on time while I'm at it! I even worked out this evening! That's right, be proud. I will accomplish all things (at least until my resolve to not watch Once Upon a Time on a school night wears off...which may run out in about 15 minutes!)

           This week I've experienced cold weather that rivals my South Dakota days. Now I love snow, it's basically the miracle of winter in my opinion, and playing in it will bring out my inner child like nothing else, but when it's below freezing, and the wind makes me want to curl up in my sock drawer and die, then it's a different story. Still, I can't deny that God's creation is beautiful in our very own real Narnia-Wisconsin land. Sometimes (everyday) I wish I lived in Chicago or Paris, with a Starbucks just around the corner, and surrounded by people I don't know but want to. Then God brings me right back with the almost inaudible sound of soft snow falling, or the sun peeking out between the evergreen trees, almost groaning under the weight of a weeks worth of snow. It is stunning to walk into a white world every morning. God has been so good protecting us during the trips to and from church every Sunday. Yesterday we were drifting all over the place during our 50 minutes journey back to campus, and all I could do was shut my eyes and pray.

         On Thursday my Impact Group (everyone on campus has one, and we study a section of Galatians every week together) met at out leader Mrs Olsen's house so that Sally (real name Tiaotiao Ma) could teach us how to make real Chinese Jiao Zi. If you've never had legit Chinese food then I suggest you find somewhere to get the good stuff because seriously, the slop they serve us picky Westerners is criminal in comparison (and I will be talking about this more on Friday!) This was my absolute favourite of all Chinese dishes and it was exciting to see how to make my own in future. Not to mention that these lovely ladies are so encouraging and make splendid company!

Now it is Music Monday, and so I owe you some music! I'm sure most of you have heard about The Lumineers, (if you haven't you should fix that!) and their new music video just came out this week. The Lumineers were pretty much my go to discovery of 2012 along with Imagine Dragons, Of Monsters and Men and Ben Howard. I remember when I first heard all of the above on the radio and I was like "What in the fat world?! They're playing actual good music and not Keisha or Katie Perry!" No offense to anyone's taste or anything but seriously, that stuff's total crap!! Hehehe I joke, I joke...or do I?

The Lumineers - Stubborn Love - Music Video from Kevin on Vimeo.