Ugly Soap Boxes

          There's been a lot going on in the world lately. Only two weeks ago the online world was consumed with discussion about rape and consent, as a result of this powerful statement released by a victim of sexual assault. The week before that, the internet got pretty self righteous about an unfortunate incident involving a gorilla, and a four year-old child. This week we had two horrific incidents back to back, and both in Orlando; singer Christina Grimmie was gunned down and killed, while signing autographs with fans, and barely two days later, in Pulse night club, 49 people were murdered in cold blood.

Sunday night hit me like a punch in the gut. Where was I when 49 people died? What was I doing? What was running through my mind? Probably nothing of profound importance or consequence. It was another day for me, and it was just another day for the people in Pulse: until a man walked in with a gun. 

Where was God? What was He doing? Why didn't He stop this? My worldview, and reliance on scripture informs me, that it was well within His ability. So why didn't He? These are questions that I still can't answer with any clarity or certainly, and I probably won't ever be able to. There are some things I can never reconcile; God's infinite love, and ultimate sovereignty and control over this world seem like irreconcilable truths sometimes. They are both true aspects of His character, and they are beyond my complete understanding. Believing that God is all loving, and all powerful, takes trust; it takes faith.

I've been wrestling with these questions and thoughts this past week. But while grieving the lives lost and shaped by this tragedy and crime, and asking God to show Himself in the darkness, I could hardly comprehend the reaction I was seeing online. The internet can be an ugly place, with ugly people, standing on ugly soap boxes. I know this, you know it. So it shouldn't have been surprising that the bodies weren't even cold, before people were using this tragedy as an opportunity to mount said soap boxes to congratulate themselves on being right, to give their opinions and unsolicited advice, and to call out the idiocy of those who think differently.

 Never before in human history, have we been able to give our opinions so freely, to an available audience. This platform has evolved and developed so quickly, that we hardly recognize the gravity and impact our words have anymore. As a blogger, and a human online, I'm as guilty of this as anyone. It's easy to feel assured, and brave with our words behind a computer screen, where the effect of our words is unseen and unfelt by us in the moment. I'm still learning to be careful how I conduct myself online: not just what I say, but when I say it. Please let this be clear before I go any further; this post is not to call out any one specific person, but if you were guilty of this, this week, then I plead with you to examine yourself, and how you conduct yourself on this platform.

I understand to some extent, the controversy surrounding this event. It was the worst mass shooting in recent American memory. Was it terrorism? A hate crime? A gun control issue? To me, the outcome is still the same, 49 people are dead. However, it deeply troubles me, when I see people, Christians, more disturbed with the prospect of their guns being taken away, than the fact that 49 people entered eternity, and their loved ones are left reeling in their grief, questioning God, and seeking Him in this tragedy. Death is a profound, and serious matter, and should always be dealt with by the faithful, with brokenness, and humility. And love. Christ's love. Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. He faced His own death with grief and agony. His followers should always be stones throw away, in the face of  death and grief:ready to receive the mourning with gravity, comfort, love and mercy. Instead this week, I saw a lot of pointing fingers, and insensitivity from Christians, that I love and respect. I saw very little empathy for the grieving, or evidence that these deaths affected them very much at all-at least, from what I saw, in Facebook posts. 

If you are reading this, maybe you were very much affected by this event. Maybe you gave blood, maybe you donated money, or your time, or dedicated your prayers to these families. However, ask yourself, does your Facebook page reflect this? Even if you didn't post, did you join an argument, or comment under an insensitive post? I almost did. I was a couple clicks away, before I stopped myself. It's easy when you're angry, or confused, or frustrated, but ask yourself, if you were facing this person in real life, would you say it to their face? Would you spout off about gun control in the face of a grieving sibling or parent of a victim? It is not that these things don't need to be spoken of. Like I said, there's a lot of controversy tied up in this incident, and I expect people will still be speaking of it in years to come. But now is not the time. Now is the time to mourn. 

I'm not saying that my timeline was representative of believers online as a whole, but for me, it was enough for me to close my computer in tears, wondering where God and His people were. I wonder who else thought this, and if they were someone who needed to see light a whole lot more than I did: and all they saw was an ugly soap box.

Ten Ponderings of Christmas in China

         

          Christmas and New Years are over, and the world mourns and diets. I have officially experienced my first holiday season in China, and my first Christmas ever without my family. During the jubilation that is Christmas, I had a few thoughts, and revelations, and I decided to share them with you all.

1. The so called "war on Chistmas," yeah that's not a thing!

 Remarkably, spending Christmas in a country where the holiday isn't nationally recognized, did absolutely nothing to hinder me from personally celebrating Christmas! I know right! In fact, it might even have heightened my awareness of why I celebrate in the first place. An unregenerate person, wishing me a merry Christmas, and handing me a red cup with Santa on it: that's commercialism, not Christmas. And China has plenty of Christmas commercialism to enjoy anyway.

2. Jingle Bells and We Wish You Merry Christmas are the only Christmas songs that China knows, and they play them on repeat...all.day.long.

3. Most of the highs and lows at Christmas are dependent on comparison. It seems to me that our experience of Christmas is dependent on what we think it should be, after comparing our experience to what we see on T.V. or the people around us. As I mentioned, this was my first ever Christmas apart from my family. Surprisingly, it wasn't as difficult as I thought it would be. After thinking about it for awhile, I concluded that the fact I'm China, where they don't celebrate Christmas is the key factor. The day still seemed special, because while the country went to work, and carried on as usual, I got to go have a nice dinner with my friends. If I had been in the States, watching others celebrate with their families, it would have been a different story. Indeed the only time when I had the Christmas blues, was when I logged into Facebook.

4. Traditions are important, even when you're thousands of miles away. Whether it's making sugar cookies or watching The Muppets Christmas Carol, traditions keep us aware of where we come from, and who we're going to be.

5. A Christmas tree makes all the difference. I haven't quite made my apartment my own yet, but adding a Christmas tree, suddenly made my living room a place I wanted to be. 

6. People freaking love Christmas music. My playlists on Spotify, have never had very many followers, but my Christmas playlist kind of soared in popularity this year. Huzzah!

7. Minion Monopoly is much more fun than dummy regular Monopoly. My sister Abby kind of loves minions, and so the majority of her presents this year were minion related. One such gift was Minion Monopoly. This is a thing that exists. Falling asleep, while listening to my family play this game over Skype, was my best Christmas memory this year.

8. I love being a kindergarten teacher at Christmas. It means you get to dress up in a red coat and hat and give sweets and toys to cutie Chinese children. Bring on the happiness!

9. Chinese New Year! My holiday season extends well into February. I guess the decorations get to stay up that long too!

10. The Incarnation is where it's at. Extra points to those who know who coined that phrase. I spent most of December contemplating, just how bizarre, miraculous and pinnacle the truth of the incarnation is. What difference does the divinity of Christ make to the life of the believer? The answer: it makes all the difference. 

No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, He has made Him known

John 1:18

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year. Bring on 2016; it's going to be epic!

This morning I woke up...

     This morning I woke up...it's a cold, blustery, damp sort of day: the kind of day that makes you want to stay snuggled under the covers and not come out. However, the unrelenting alarm, and the sounds of a persistant mosquito buzzing around my ears, coax me from my bed and into the cold morning air. It feels good, the contrast between winter chill, and comfortable coziness. Winter has been very delayed in her coming, and though it might change again tomorrow, it's nice to get a taste of the season.

It's been a loooong time since I've posted here. And so much has happened in between. The longer
 I've waited, the more complicated the story became. So I've thought long and hard how to introduce this new stage in my life on this forum. So here it goes.

For starters, I'm a college graduate now. Thats's right, my days as a student are over and I now know everything (I've the paper to prove it). As often happens with in debt college graduates, plans were formed, and job hunts ensued. As I've graduated with a TESL certificate, teaching seemed a good place to start, so I searched for a teaching job. One that afforded some ministry opportunities. I had hoped to find something a little closer to home this time. The novelty of being a hopeless wanderer had long since worn off, and I hoped God was on the same page as I was. "We're done right?" I asked told Him, "No more new places for awhile." Well God has a habit of promptly ignoring me, when I ask tell Him how to run things, and this time was no different.

As it turned out, while finding a job in Ireland, was not necessarily impossible,  I somehow ended up emailing someone a little farther away. I'm going to make a long story very short, and say that I got a job teaching at a lovely little kindgergarten. It took some humbling, some prayer, and a very insightful and candid conversation with my sister, to realize that I actualy wanted to go. Maybe in the future there will be a time when roots can be established, when life can be a little less crazy, but that's never been what God wanted for me, and I find that I'm not ready for the craziness to stop. And I keep rolling down that hill, because who needs moss?! I take other things with me: people, experiences, loss, hurt, fear, love, and joy, all rolled together.

I've been here three months. I've setted (as settled as I can be) into life here. I'm enjoying my work at the kindgergarten, much more than I ever thought I would. Life is a constant adventure. Culture shock takes on a whole new meaning, as frustrations, discoveries, and hilarious misunderstandings unfold daily. All the while God is slowly taking me apart bit by bit: dealing with my pride and wrenching idols from my tightly clasped hands. I go to bed exhausted, and somehow wake up ready to do it all over again in a totally different way.

So God is not done with me, and I'm ok with that. The last time I wrote in this blog, I was in Ireland, but this morning I woke up in China.

Music Monday: I Am Mountain Review

     I'm no stranger to the latest controversies concerning Michael Gungor's break from orthodox Christianity, in favour of a more palatable theology. Gungor's philosophy of music is a fine one, and the frustration he's had with the Christian music genre is something I can sympathize with: Christians are a difficult audience to please, and an artist shouldn't have to worry about pleasing anyone. However, it's sad to hear him not only reject orthodox theology, but also question the intelligence of anyone who holds to it. Judgement tends to be a two-way street it seems. All that said, I'm going to stay away from the topic as much as possible and just review this album for what it is: probably the best work Gungor has ever done.

     I Am Mountain opens with the title track, a strong, beautiful intro, celebrating the duality of man. There are few songs written by Christian musicians (if you still count Gungor among this number) which are dedicated to celebrating the physical beauties of human existence, and this entire album makes a point at doing exactly that. I Am Mountain finds beauty in both the smallness and significance of humanity: the complexities of being both physical and spiritual.

"Momentary carbon stories

From the ashes, filled with Holy Ghost"

     This track is followed by the strange, but beautiful number Beat of Her Heart. One of the best qualities of this album is how Gungor managed to pull together various genres and textures and make them work as a collective whole. While I Am Mountain is pretty standard indie anthem fare, Beat of Her Heart is completely different. This song recounts the tragic Greek tale of Orpheus and Eurydice, and is reminiscent of old-time mediaeval court song, while also sounding oddly Western.  Long Way Off is light, upbeat sounding pop that is anything but light in content. It speaks of the fleeting wisdom of man in all areas: science, philosophy and faith. It's a song that questions everything, and commits to nothing, working well with Michael Gungor's aversion to the idea of absolute truth. Wandering sung by Michael Gungor's wife Lisa, exclusively in auto-tune, is hauntingly beautiful, followed by Let it Go which combines synth-rock with 70s disco. Wayward and Torn is a folk, soul number, bringing to mind The Civil Wars meets The Lone Ranger-theme. God and Country is a brash, purposely antagonistic anti-gun and anti-war statement, that will get a few nods from pacifists and make no friends among gun-lobbyists. While Gungor's tactlessness brings a smile, a touch of subtlety would have worked better. It's hard not to cringe at finishing lines "those who live by the gun, die by the gun." I mean, what are you trying to say exactly? Nothing like a little edited Jesus to give your social issue some credibility. Hither and Yon is a transitional piece to Yesternite, a complex, inner turmoil of an individual wrestling with his spirituality. At first Gungor's vocals are accompanied by gentle classical guitar, and slowly strings, percussion and synth add more and more layers beneath the main theme, picking up pace and intensity as the author's turmoil becomes increasingly desperate. It's a song which could very well have ended in chaos, but Gungor times each element just right. In short, it's experimental song writing at it's best. The Best Part is simpler and more stripped down. Finally and Upside Down send the album off in a return to standard indie. 

     I have always appreciated Gungor as artists. It's so difficult not to enjoy and revel in art this good and this beautiful. I Am Mountain is frankly, a gorgeous latest effort from the group. It has moments of real honest emotion, exploration of faith, and the celebration of the physical as God created it. However, it is difficult not be disappointed in the souls behind the music. Disappointed may not be best word...sad, sad is the only word for it.  But there is truth in all art, whether Gungor intended to or not, there is orthodox truth woven amongst his songs. Michael Gungor is a brilliant song writer who has a chip on his shoulder against orthodox Christians. Perhaps the best course of action would be to engage, not stone? 

I'm Just Thankful for a Dollar Store

      I don't want to come across as depressing, but I have to be honest with you, I've had a pretty wretched week. And I don't want to sound ungrateful, but this summer has been a strange let down. God has been very good, I know. He's given me a great job with Shepherds Ministries: a job where I'm helping others, and a job which comes with accommodation attached (for a displaced, foreign student that's a pretty sweet deal), and because of this I have at least some of my independence without being a burden to some family somewhere. There's a lot to be thankful for- really there is- and I am...but sometimes it's hard be. It sounds terrible, but it is. With my 25th birthday approaching fast, it's hard not to ask "is this all there is?" and  "ok when is my real life going to start?".

     Last week, I learned some rather distressing news, which could potentially keep me stationary much longer than I wanted or anticipated. Suffice to say, it kind of sent me into a downward spiral of confusion, and depression. While I know, I KNOW God's truth: that He will not forsake me, He hasn't left me, He has a plan; I couldn't grasp onto that truth for the life of me, and really believe it. I started to feel an overpowering idea: God doesn't love me anymore. God has left me alone.

     It is terrible to believe, even for a moment, such a odious lie. It is terrible to see it on the screen in front of me now. What a terrifying, alienating thought. How devastating to the soul it would be if true. With all the Bible education I've had, you would think I could snap out of the lie, but I couldn't. For a day I couldn't grasp onto truth. This summer, my job has tested my patience like never before, all too often I end up spending my free time alone, and church hasn't been an option. All summer, loneliness, and sin I can't seem to conquer have, for the most part been my constant companions. Last week, while discouraging, was merely an accumulation of many things. And it led me to believe that my heavenly Father had given up on me entirely.

      Slowly this week, truth has been coming back to me, not all at once, but bit by bit. What a reminder that I am not all brain, but also soul, and emotion. This part can take over reason, and I am no exception (I'm not exactly a- wear my heart on my sleeve-kind of girl). 

     This brings me to today. Over the course of the summer, construction of some sort has been ongoing across from my workplace/dwelling. It turns out to be a new dollar store. A bit of embarrassing Leah-trivia for you: I don't drive. That is to say I can't drive. It's the price I pay for being a professional wanderer. I usually catch a ride to the nearest Walmart, or I walk to the local grocery shop. This is a bit of a walk, but the weather is usually suitable. In the back of my mind though I've been wondering how I'm going to make the walk when the snow starts to fall. I figured my Walmart runs would have to do, and I would have to do without some things immediately.

       Today I checked out the stock of the new store which is a convenient, few feet away from my front door. It's not exactly a grocery store, but I can pick up a lot of essentials, without having to wait for someone else's schedule to clear. It may sound silly to you but I stood in that store today, and thankfulness just washed over me like a flood. It seemed like God built this store just for me. God hasn't abandoned me! He built me a store! For nothing more than mere convenience: not need. After all these tuition fees and loans, it wasn't my education that led me to truth today. God reminded me of basic truths with a convenience. It's silly, and small, but all I know is that today, I'm just thankful for a dollar store. 

"We give thanks to you, Oh God; and we give thanks for your name is near. We recount your wondrous deeds" Psalm 75:1

For you, O Lord, are good and forgiving, abounding in steadfast love to all who call upon you. Give ear, Oh Lord, to my prayer; listen to my plea for grace. In the day of trouble I call upon you, for you answer me" Psalm 86:5-7 

In Memory of the Prescott Hotshots

     The 30th of June marks the anniversary of Dustin Deford's death, my friend and former classmate of CBI. Last year 19 Hotshots lost their lives battling forest fires in Arizona, and Dustin was one of them. The sorrow felt as fresh today as it did then, but it's not a sadness for him, but for those of us who have to miss him; his family, and those who were close to him at Cornerstone. My heart has been with you all during this day, but Dustin, he's with Jesus and none of us would wish him back again.

"But we do not want you to be uninformed brothers, about those who are asleep, that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope" 1 Thessalonians 4:13 (ESV)

Music Monday: The Art of Celebration Review

     I'm a little late reviewing the March release of The Art of Celebration by Rend Collective. This is the first release by the band under their shortened name (formerly Rend Collective Experiment) and my, does it exceed expectations. Even though this unique Christian worship group is Irish home-grown and produced, I originally heard of the group three years ago through an American friend of mine, who's been a long time groupie of the band. 

Back then Rend Collective Experiment had just released Homemade Worship for Handmade People, a brilliant follow-up to Organic Family Hymnal which is equally as good. I was immediately hooked on their raw, unpolished, and Psalm-like music. The indie group walked into the limelight with 2013 Campfire, an acoustic recording of some of their staple songs. I was so excited with the announcement of a new release, and I was not disappointed. For a day at least, The Art of Celebration was the number one selling album on iTunes, and it's not hard to see why. Rend Collective's energy and joy, is infectious. 

Art of Celebration Story - Rend Collective from Story House Films on Vimeo.

     Rend Collective has never been a band that takes itself too seriously, and I guess it's because they don't believe seriousness to be a virtue. Lead singer Gareth says "seriousness is not a fruit of the Spirit, but joy is" and it really shows in this album. As a full time cynic, this mentality is a breath of fresh air. Rend Collective promotes a lifestyle of celebration, not in the superficial and fickle celebration of circumstance or material gain, but in the evident truths of the Christian life: in acceptance, in being a part of the Bride of Christ, in being forgiven, and indwelt by the Spirit. 

This is exactly the message the church needs to hear at this moment in history. Take it from a wide-eyed Irish  MK who suddenly found herself in American Fundamentalist culture: a lot of Christians are sleeping (including myself). Caught up in the act of trying to look like the Christian we were told we should resemble, we lost our joy in the truths of the gospel; in actually enjoying God. I've recently come to the conclusion that every time I sin, I desire something in that moment more than I desire God. If I were to live a life of complete enjoyment of God, I would have no temptation to sin. Suffice to say I think Rend Collective has hit the nail on the head with this release.

     The album begins with a call to this kind of celebration (defining it as an active choice) "We're choosing celebration, breaking into freedom...we cast aside our shadows, trust you with our sorrows." This is followed by the foot-stomping anthem, Burn Like A Star. Seriously, if the lyrics and tone of this track don't bring you to rejoicing then I just don't know...I just don't. The third song My Lighthouse is the first song on the album to have been released as a single and I just love, love this song. It's fun, it's catchy, and the simple imagery of God as a lighthouse, shining in the darkness, leading us home is memorable and effective. More Than Conquerors is an active battle cry. Sin has been conquered!!! God is our strength and power over it!! WE ARE FREE! I also love the line that speaks of God's "resurrection power". Think about that, God overcame the power of death! 

We will not bow to sin or to shame, we are deviant in your name. You are the fire that cannot be tamed, You are the power in our veins; our Lord, our God, our Conqueror! 

This track is followed by the more subdued, but no less powerful prayer, All That I Am. This intimate, acoustic track includes the voices and claps (and whistles) of the band in worship together, laying their all before God: "its only in surrender that I'm truly free." 

Immeasurably More has more of a mainstream (that was hipster of me) sound, that makes one think of...maybe Chris Tomlin? Oh yeah, he helped write this song! That's why! No matter, it still has a distinctive Rend Collective sound, reminiscent of the powerhouse sound of Desert Soul from Homemade Worship. 

Finally Free uses the great imagery of God's mercy raining from heaven "like confetti at a wedding" and celebrating "in the downpour" and God's heart being "wild with colour like a never ending summer" burning away the "winter of my cold and weary heart." The idea of freedom being linked to the goodness and beauty of God and His grace is such a biblical one and in sync with the theme of simply enjoying God for who He is. The poetry and beauty of this song (heightened by the use of some good aul' Irish uilleann pipes) make it one of the strongest on the album. 

Create In Me is both a prayer and a joyful cry. Praying to God to "create in me a clean, clean heart, create in me a work of art, create in me a miracle, create in me something real and something beautiful" turns into the joyful cry "You're not finished with me yet, by Your power I can change, I can change", combining the prayer in Psalm 51:10, with the promise in Philippians 1:6 "And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ (ESV). 

Strength of My Heart  mixes a traditional rock sound with synthetic, pop strings in an anthem of God's love for us being our strength. Simplicity tributes God as the reason we sing and celebrate, and encourages Christians to come back to their "first love." 

Boldly I Approach (The Art of Celebration) is hands down, the best song on the album. The power and truth behind these lyrics have me seeking encouragement from it again and again. 

By grace alone somehow I stand, where even angels fear to tread. Invited by redeeming love, before the thrones of God above, He pulls me close with nail-scarred hands into His everlasting arms...Boldly I approach Your throne. Blameless now I'm running home. By your blood I come, welcomed as Your own, into the arms of majesty...This is the art of celebration, knowing we're free from condemnation. Oh praise the One, praise the One, Who made an end to all me sin

    The album is finished with a live version of My Lighthouse and a remix of Joy. This album hasn't a false step in all of it's 13 tracks. The Art of Celebration may be the best Rend Collective (they will always be Rend Collective Experiment to me) ever produced and that's saying something. It's uplifting without being cheap or gimmicky, it's encouraging without being fake, and it's theologically joyful. If you've never heard Rend Collective I would encourage you to start here and work your way back, but either way I don't doubt you'll become instant fans. Hope you had a great Monday dear readers! Be joyful!

My Lighthouse - Rend Collective from Tiny Ark on Vimeo.

Oh and by the way, Rend Collective is Aaamazing live! My friend Heather and I had an epic adventure in Louisville to see them as a supporting act to Kari Jobe shortly after the release of this album. We sadly did not get the opportunity to meet the band in person but we did meet band member Ali, and she's super lovely! 

Better Together: Weddings and Adventuring!

     Sorry for the short absence. I have been adventuring...and summer classing (huzzah I made a new verb!). Two weeks ago I attended the wedding of two old school friends from Cornerstone and between work, and trying to stay above water in regards to my summer class, and maintaining what resembles a social life, blogging was once again at the bottom of my list. But I'm back to tell you of my wonderful adventure in South Dakota.

     For those of you who don't know, I spent two years in a Bible Institute in Hot Springs, South Dakota when I was 19 and 20. These two years were some of the best and worst of my life, but what made them was the people. Cornerstone contained an average of 40 some students when I was there and what developed was an odd, familial-like sub-culture. For the most part, weddings have been a huge part of this sub-culture post graduation, and I have missed almost every single wedding/reunion. So, when the opportunity came to attend Mat and Liz's wedding two weeks ago, I was so there. Matt and Liz were in the same class (a year above me) and while they were always good friends, their relationship deepened into something more after they graduated. And when there's a wedding, there will be "Stoners"!

     I flew from Chicago on a Tuesday, but didn't arrive in Rapid City, SD until Wednesday morning, due to the fact that we didn't leave on time (for no actual reason) from Chicago, and thus missed my connection in Denver. I've dealt with delays plenty of times before and even ones that required an overnight stay, but never alone! However, a comfortable night in a hotel, courtesy of United airlines, with free breakfast and shuttle went all without a glitch (despite being approached by creepy, individual with a white van whom I cunningly evaded). Adult points to me!!!

     I was picked up by Liz and other Cornerstoner Melinda and despite "car trouble" we drove onto Hot Springs in perfect we-are-girls-who-have-no-idea-how-to-car style. After calling Matt for help "we" fixed the problem (which turned out to be a case of rogue pipe stabbing the muffler), and drove off to have fun! Over the next few days we moved our Bride out of her apartment and literally next door to her new one, made DIY decorations for the wedding, had a blast of a bachelorette party, rehearsal dinnered, and REUNIONED (I am full of self made verbs today!!).

     It was great to see people I have't seen in 3-5 years, and even more great to see how our lives have progressed. When you're just you living your life, it's hard to see how you've changed or developed; but when you see yourself in perspective to people you knew and loved a long time ago and see that they've changed, you come to realize you have too. I loved hearing their stories, holding their children (so many children!), learning what they're doing, and where they're working. We've changed so much, and it's great! Sometimes my nostalgia takes over and I have a hard time moving forward with things. It was wonderful to celebrate change for a change (see what I did there?!).

     The wedding itself, was beautiful. I loved being involved in the business of the morning: decorating, assisting photographers, and serving food. Liz made a gorgeous bride and seeing both bride and groom commit to each other before, and in the name of their Saviour was so special. The representation of the gospel, as pictured by the imagery of marriage, was so clear in both their lives. I may or may not have cried!

     I finished off the week fellowshipping with my old church family at Calvary Baptist Church. I cannot even begin to describe how much I missed these people, and Pastor Matt's preaching (and fondness for circle time). Thank you Lord for giving me this opportunity to reconnect, even for a few, special days, with old friends and family.

Congratulations to Liz and Matt!!!

PS: If you want to check out Liz's blog click here

PPS: Clara Williams who is also a Cornerstoner, and who is married to a Cornerstoner, and who is my very dear, dear friend took the photos at the wedding. She is supper, super talented and you should check out her work on this wedding others here. I used two of her photos in this post.

Music Monday: Though You Slay Me

“Though You Slay Me” (featuring John Piper) from Desiring God on Vimeo.

This is all I got today. Wishing you all a happy Monday.

In Christ, Leah

What is We Are Okay

If you have been following this blog for awhile, you probably know what to expect from my writing, or maybe you don't. Of late I've been struck with a bad case of writers block. Maybe it comes from my reading other popular blogs, and wanting to conform to topics of interest which attract more readers. I think it also comes from a shift in my goals for writing.

When I first started We Are Okay, a lot of my friends from CBI were starting blogs of their own, and I kind of wanted to join in on the fun of keeping tabs on each other online. My first year of blogging consisted of stumbling onto the more extensive blogging community, and I found the joy of gaining followers that I didn't know personally offline. Following other blogs started to both improve and inspire my own writing.

However, these past two years I've started to notice a lack of inspiration. The renewed business of schoolwork and a shift in interests and life goals have kind of put a cease to any consistent writing on We Are Okay. Maybe you as a reader have sensed this.

I've tried to put elements into place to help bring back consistency to my blog. Some of you might remember my post after New Years here. In that post I tried to set some goals that would help me as a full time student to write more often without taking too much time to do it. While I've loved posting my Music Mondays, and I still have lots of plans for more "ridiculous posts" I found that instead of inspiring me, these posts put more restrictions on what I really want to write, and led me farther from my actual goals for this blog. I don't want to just mingle with the rest of hipster-dom in the blogging community. Like any blogger I want We Are Okay to represent who I am, my interests, my life, my thoughts, but more importantly I want this blog to showcase the most important thing about me; my relationship with Christ. Actually let me re-phrase that; I want this blog to showcase Christ (lets just leave me out of it!). I think part of the reason I've found my writing to be a bit stale of late is because it reflects what my devotional life has been. Some might find being at a Bible College a blessing and an encouragement, but for me it's been the opposite. Northland is an awesome place, but lately the debates about music, dress, the future of Northland, in short fundamentalist culture has been wearing out my soul. But that's a discussion for another day.

Why am I posting this at all? Some of you might have guessed where the title of my blog comes from. For those of you who don't, I'm not about to give the game away, but lets just say the title carries along the idea of wanting to recapture the aimlessness and simplicity of childhood along with the inescapable knowledge that those days are past, and the realities of adulthood and life are present. I like to write with my own blend of fun and cynicism, but I also want to be transparent and honest, and right now this is where I'm at in my writing and in my spiritual life. I'm writing this to try and stop this pattern and refocus my goals a little. I still want to write reviews of music, movies and art (my blog is a brilliant opportunity to pretend I'm an actual professional critic and writer), I still want to be ridiculous and funny, and I still want to post my over-editied brand of recreational photography. But ultimately I want people to see Jesus through my writing. I first and foremost write from a Christian, Biblical worldview and I want that to seep into all areas and topics.

I also want the freedom to write what I want and when I write it. This gives me a sense of freedom and helps me not feel guilty for posting less often than I or my readers (wishful thinking?) might like. I'm not sure if this makes sense to anyone reading but I do feel like I need this explanation to myself and my readers. I might never be one of those larger than life blogs with hundreds of readers, that posts three times a week, but instead I'm a real person, that lives a real life on and offline, and you know what? That's okay with me!  

PS: I was going to post about my trip last summer, you may recall, but I thought better of it. If you want to to know about it just message me here and I'll email you more information.

Blink

Teach me to number my days
And count every moment
Before it slips away
Take in all the colors
Before they fade to grey

I don't want to miss
Even just a second
More of this

It happens in a blink, it happens in a flash
It happens in the time it took to look back
I try to hold on tight, but there's no stopping time
What is it I've done with my life?


When it's all said and done
No one remembers
How far we have run
The only thing that matters
Is how we have loved

Back in the summer of 2010, the lyrics to Blink by Christian band Revive were nothing but a pretty cool tune that we played loud and proud in the aptly named "mafia van" during my last choir tour with Cornerstone Bible Institute (also the trip that marked the end of my time at CBI). It was the last summer that we were all together in one place, before several unexpected couples formed and got married, before we scattered and went on various adventures of our own, and before last Sunday, June 30th. Today these lyrics ring far more true than they did then.

 Last Sunday I learned via facebook that my former classmate and friend Dustin Deford (24) was one of the nineteen firefighters killed in Arizona  

While I might not have known Dustin as well as others at Cornerstone, he was an everyday part of a very special time in my life. Spending two years at a close knit Bible college of 40 something students binds you together in a strange and peculiar way. Up to that point in my life I doubt any other group of people knew me better aside from my nuclear family. For two years we matured together, we saw the best and the worst from each other (I still blush when I think of some of the things I said and did!). I've come to realize recently that time may heal all wounds (this is open to debate), but you never, ever get over the friends you make. I may not miss Cornerstone, but I miss my classmates, I miss the experience of living together, growing together, being our own strange family. And we are family still; brothers and sisters in Christ.

So when I heard of Dustin's death, I couldn't believe it. When I left Cornerstone, I thought about the race in front of me, of my life and if and how it would be used for God's glory. It never occurred to me that it might be a relatively short one. I guess at our age we're not apt to think about death, even as Christians. As one former student Joel Georgeff wrote late week:

"God doesn't NEED my strengths and my abilities to bring Him glory, ALL He needs is my body and He doesn't even need it to be alive!"

Death is a certainty in this life. Unless Christ returns before, all of us will die someday, and the sobering thing is, it can be at any time and at any age. For me however, this is not a hopeless thing. As I read this week over and over and over again, Dustin left behind an amazing, staggering testimony of a life lived in love and submission to Christ. The gospel is stamped all over his life of 24 years. What the world would see as a tragic waste of a young life, I and so many others see a life lived to the fullest purpose; to the glory of God. 

"...but that with full courage now as always Christ will be honoured in my body, whether by life or death. For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (1 Philippians 1:20b-21)

At the beginning of this week my roommate told me that a girl she knew had died in car crash, and she was deeply saddened at the lack of hope at the end of a godless life. I realized then that while I was saddened by Dustin's death, I was also joyful and comforted. There was no despair in his passing, but rejoicing, hope instead of hopelessness. I'm jealous of my brother who has finished his race, and is now in the PRESENCE of Christ!! I take pride and joy to have known him even for a brief time, and I praise God at his testimony as post after post  speaks not of his heroic actions but of his love for Christ, and his simple faith. 

It makes me sad that at any Cornerstone reunion I may partake in the future, Dustin won't be there, but he will be present at the biggest and best reunion of all believers. I look forward to that reunion far more. 

"Beloved, we are God's children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared: but we know that when he appears we shall be life him, because we shall see him as he is" (1 John 3:2)

"And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, 'Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away' "  (Revelation 21:3-4)  

Tomorrow Dustin will be buried in his native Ekalaka, Montana. Pray for his family, pray for the people present who will undoubtedly hear the gospel. I will be stuck in Wisconsinland, but the Deford family will be in my thoughts and prayers all day.    

Oh I searched the world...

"I just don't belong and there's no place on earth that will feel like my home"

"Oh I searched the world for that feeling of peace, but I've got no solution, I feel no release"

"Someday I know I'll taste the death that is sweet, for Your own on the cross took out all of the sting" 

"Maybe the point is I'm not on my own and to try by myself is to claim this as home"

"

That's when it hit me, that I'm not yet home, Oh Lord I am ready let Your Kingdom come" 

"If I find in myself desires which nothing in this can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that i was made for another world" C.S. Lewis

Kept awake last night by random feelings of homesickness (they strike when least expected). I am so excited to one day stop my wanderings and truly be Home.

"But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ" Philippians 3:20

Pictures from Pinterest, lyrics by Sarah Sparks