Ten steps to being a fake photographer

As a "professional" fake photographer, I feel it is my duty to share my expert wisdom with my followers. I have narrowed this down to 10 simple steps that every aspiring fake photographer must follow to be successful.

Image from Chicago Vintage Underground

Fake photographer- definition: A talentless person, armed with a camera, who can pull off the appearance of ability.

1. It has been said that a good artist never blames his tools (or something to that effect) but there are no good artists here, so it is perfectly acceptable for a fake photographer to blame his/ her bad pictures on the quality of their camera. This is also helpful for those on a tight budget, as there is no need to purchase an expensive instrument; a cheap camera will work very well.
2. To pull off the illusion of talent, it is essential to have an artsy mindset. Tilting your camera angle works very well in creating an artsy feel to your pictures. It sends the message that you see the world from a different perspective than your less gifted associates. You're willing to turn things around, and look at your world from all angles and possibilities! 
3. A rule that all fake photographers know well is the black and white rule. Converting a picture to black and white will automatically improve a bad picture, and give it a look of professionalism. Everything looks good in black and white!
4. People make assumptions about you, just by the company you keep. Hanging around with other photographers (or following photography blogs if you are a blogger) and or artistic minded people, will cause people to assume that you are just as talented as your friends. However, proceed with caution. Friends that are too talented may have the opposite effect.
5. If posting pictures on the internet, posting an inspiring quote alongside it, leads people to believe that there is a deeper meaning to your picture than meets the eye. It is likely that no one will ever figure out this trick, because no one will admit that they don't see the beauty in your pictures. They are too afraid that others will view them as uncouth, and unsophisticated (they won't realize that no one else gets it either!) 
6. Using knowing language such as " the light in this room is very bad", "lens" and "angle" will make you sound legit.
7. Photoshop is essential to a fake photographer. I have found the photoshop programe on the Mac to be all I need, but, because not everyone has a Mac, an online programe will work just as well. 
8. Take your camera everywhere you go; people will associate you with the camera.
9. If you have no qualms about taking advantage of people, selling your pictures for an outrageous price, will not only make you money, but will also benefit you in your endeavor to appear gifted. The same principle is used with artists selling their paintings. The more expensive it is, people will assume that it is worth buying!
10.  Finally because I am a fake photographer, I consider the camera one uses, of equal importance as actual talent; if not more. Therefore, upgrading, if you can, could make all the difference to your pictures having a professional appearance. This step is optional, however, as it will make step one redundant.   

Note: Results may vary.